Winter Q and A

Q: What do chefs call "Baked Alaska" in Alaska?

A: "Baked Here"

Q: Getting a job in the Arctic in the winter is great! Why?

A: When the days get short, you only have to work a 30 minute work week.

Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?

A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Q: Where can you find an ocean without any water?

A: On a map!

Q: What eight letters can you find in water from the Arctic Ocean?

A: H to O! (H20)

Q: Which side of an Arctic Tern has the most feathers?

A: The outside!

Q: What vegetable was forbidden on the ships of Arctic explorers?

A: Leeks!

Q: What did Amaruq say after building an igloo out of crystal clear ice?

A: "Living in a transparent igloo has its disadvantages - but you should see the murres smack it!"

Q: Why didn't the tourist in the Arctic get any sleep?

A: He plugged his electric blanket into the toaster by mistake - and kept popping out of bed all night!

Q: What happened when all the muskox wool that was collected was stolen?

A: The police combed the area.

Q: If the sun shines while it's snowing, what should you look for?

A: Snowbows.

Q: What did one Greenland Shark say to the other?

A: "Say, good lookin'... didn't I meet you last night at the feeding frenzy?"

Q: What's a sign that you have an irrational fear of icebergs?

A: You start having water-tight compartments installed in your pants.

Q: What did the seal say when it swam into a concrete wall?

A: "Dam!"

Q: What do women use to stay young looking in the Arctic?

A: Cold cream.

Q: Why was the Saami herder given an umbrella?

A: Because of the rain, dear.

Q: What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?

A: I have no eye deer.

Q: What did one Arctic murre say to the other?

A: "What? We flew 2000 miles for THIS?!"

Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?

A: Polaroids!

Q: What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?

A: "Where were you on the night of September to March?"

Q: What noise wakes you up at the North Pole around March 18?

A: The crack of dawn!

Q: If you live in an igloo, what's the worst thing about global warming?

A: No privacy!

Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?

A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."

Q: When are your eyes not eyes?

A: When the cold Arctic wind makes them water!

Q: What did the icy Arctic road say to the truck?

A: "Want to go for a spin?"

Q: What do you use to catch an Arctic hare?

A: A hare net!

Q: What do Arctic hares use to keep their fur lookin' spiffy?

A: Hare spray!

Q: What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?

A: A receding hare line.

Q: Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?

A: They're both below C level!

Q: What are caribou calves given to wear?

A: Hoof-me-downs.

Q: If it's zero degrees outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

A: ?????

Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant?

A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"

Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?

A: "You hang around while I go on ahead."

Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?

A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!

Q: What kind of coffee were they serving when the Titanic hit an iceberg?

A: Sanka!

Q: What do Saami reindeer herders say to reindeer who complain?

A: "Venison!"

Q: What do you call fifty penguins in the Arctic?

A: Lost! REALLY lost! (Penguins live in Antarctica.)

Q: Why aren't penguins as lucky as Arctic murres?

A: The poor old penguins can't go south for the winter.

Q: What's another name for ice?

A: Skid stuff!

Q: How do you keep from getting cold feet?

A: Don't go around BRRfooted!

Q: Why is the slippery ice like music?

A: If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

Q: What's an ig?

A: A snow house without a loo!

Q: Where do seals go to see movies?

A: The dive-in!

Q: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

A: Owlgebra.

Q: What did the ocean say to the bergy bits?

A: Nothing. It just waved. (That's an old joke from the Ice Age.)

Q: What sits on the bottom of the cold Arctic Ocean and shakes?

A: A nervous wreck.

Q: How do you know if there's a snowman in your bed?

A: You wake up wet!

Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?

A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.

Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?

A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus...

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