Valentine's Day Limericks

There was a young lady named Constance,

From boys she wouldn't stand any nonsense.

If her partners grew deft

She would lead with her left;

The results would not weigh on her conscience.

There once was a boy with two fiddles

Who loved to sing and tell riddles.

When he cast his new spell,

The ladies all fell

For the boy who sang with two fiddles.

There once was an old man of Lyme

Who married three wives at a time

When asked "Why a third?"

He replied, "One's absurd!

And bigamy, Sir, is a crime."

She made friends with a young undertaker;

Her last boyfriend had forsaken her.

But she started to curse

When he turned up in a hearse.

She said next time I'll date a baker!

There was a young fellow named Hammer

Whose had an unfortunate stammer

"The b-bane of my life"

Said he, "Is m-m-my wife

D-d-d-d-d-d-damn er !"

My sweetheart and I are just wed.

Already I wish I were dead.

Two weeks she's been spending.

It was time never ending.

We are thousands of pounds in the red!

There was a pert young lass of Madras

Who had a remarkable ass.

Not rounded and pink

As you'd probably think.

It was gray, had long ears and ate grass.

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