Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!
Mother: How do you like your new teacher?
Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Father: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!
Mother: How did you find school today?
Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was!
Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!
What would happen if you took the school bus home?
The police would make you bring it back!
Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing outside!
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Pupil: I get up early!
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!
Mother: How was your first day at school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!
Mother: Does your teacher like you?
Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper!
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!
Father: How do you like going to school?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!
Student 1: (to female teacher) Can you hold on to my wallet for me while we take the exam? There may or may not be money in it.
Teacher: I can't be bought!
Student 2: Yes, but can you be rented for a little while?