You Might Be A Democrat If...

You think "ethics" is an eastern European country.

You've named your kids with hyphenated first and last names.

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were only willing to redistribute their wealth.

You've ever referred to someone as a "bigot or Nazi".

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a married man.

You oppose the death penalty, but support abortion.

You don't support school choice for others, only for yourself.

You think you might remember laughing once as an adult and feeling guilty about it.

You once broke loose at a party and inhaled, but don't admit it.

You support diversity, as long as others agree with you.

You've referred to moral fiber thinking it was a new man made textile.

You've ever uttered the phrase, "you hypocrite".

You've ever said, "the Bill Of Rights is outdated".

You answer to "No One".

You support PETA and Green Peace, but still eat beef, fish, lamb, and wear leather garments.

You protest your neighbor clearing their yard of weeds.

You only let your kids watch PBS and listen to NPR.

You scream at the thought of agreeing with a Republican.

You've argued that Western values are no values.

You agree that all the world's problems can be traced back to white Anglo-Saxon men taking advantage of others.

When people say "Marx," you think, "to bad his idea didn't work".

You've ever yelled, "capitalist".

You still wear the Birkenstocks you purchased in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 laws to control guns.

You really think that guns kill people. Not people kill people.

You want to protest something but don't know what.

You've ever said "I support civil liberties, but not personal liberties."

You will not admit that trees are a renewable resource.

You've ever said "reduce paper, save a tree".

You donate money because it makes you "feel good".

You came of age in the '60s and don't understand what went wrong.

You justify lying cheating Democrats because Republicans lie and cheat.

You ever start or end an argument on the phrase, "you are closed minded".

You never told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can" because he chooses to do so.

You think denial is a virtue.

You don't mind contributing 4 months of your salary to the government. You're only sorry it can't be more.

You believe that everyone else is responsible for you but you.

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