1. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
2. There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!
3. A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!
4. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
5. Married man live longer than a single man, but married man are lot more willing to die!
6. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
7. Any married man should forget his mistakes because there is no use in remembering two people the same thing.
8. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
9. What is the difference between a marriage and a war? A marriage is a war in which the enemies can sleep together!
10. I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
11. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all !
12. Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed. Women somewhat deteriorate during the night.
13. Why is Hillary upset? Because she may have been the FIRST LADY, but she won't be the LAST!
14. Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. this widow had a grown up daughter. My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married. This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. See below how:
My daughter was my mother too because she was my father's wife! After a few years I became father of a baby boy complicating the matter further. My son became the brother-in-law of my father!
15. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
16. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
17. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.
18. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in!"
19. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. - Cass Daley
20. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
21. My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
22. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
23. A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
24. A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
25. The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
26. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
27. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
28. Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man!
29. A man who muttered a few words in the church, found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced!
30. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."