Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist.

She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But you are not wearing any of those nice things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I want that bitch to go absolutely nuts looking for the jewelry."

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