The Nite before Hanukkah (version 2)

'Twas the night before Chanukah

and all over the place

There was noise, there was kvetching

Soch ah disgrace!

The Kinderlach, sleeping,

uneasily felt

The chocolate rush

from the Chanukah gelt

And me in the easyboy,

so stuffed with latkes,

I stretched the elastic

which held up my gatchkes.

When up on the roof

(and it has a steep pitch)

A fat alte kakker

was making a kvitsch.

I jumped up real quick

and I ran to the door,

Was it a bandeet,

or only a schnorrer?

He wasn't alone;

he had eight ferdelach,

And called them by name

as he gave a gebrach:

"On Moishe, on Yankel, on Itzik, on Sam,

On Mendel, on Shmendrik, on Feivush, on Ham;

My kidneys are kvelling;

do you give a damn?"

He had a white beard

and payyes to boot,

And to keep out the cold,

he had such a nice suit!

A second from Peerless,

I could tell at a glance,

But the cut was okay,

and so were the pants.

He was triple XL,

a real groisser goof,

So I yelled out,

"Meshuggener! Get off from Mein roof!"

He jumped down and said

as he shook hands with me,

"Max Klaus is the name.

You have maybe some tea?"

So I gave him a gleisel,

while he shook his white mop,

Mutt'ring, "Always the same thing,

They're dreying my kopp!"

>From Vancouver to Glacer Bay,

Outremont to Reginek,

Every shmo in the world

hakks meir a cheinik!

They're screaming for presents,

and challah with schmaltz,

And from Brooklyn alone,

the back pain, gevaltz!"

So we sat and yentehed,

and we spun the old dreydels,

(He took all of my money,

and one of my kanidels)

He said, "Business is not bad,

a living I make,

But I'm getting too old

for this Chanukah fake;

And the cell phones, you see

how my pacemaker dings?

For two cents I'd quit,

and move to Palm Springs?"

And he gave a geshrei

as he fled mit a lacht,

"Gut Yontiff to All,

Vey is Mir, Such a Nacht!"

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