Short Halloween Jokes

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?

It had no guts...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?

With scare spray...

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?

Ouch...

How do monsters tell their future?

They read their horrorscope...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?

A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?

Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?

Booberries...

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?

Halloweenies...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?

Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?

Fangsgiving...

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?

To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frostbite...

What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?

A boo boo...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?

Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

What is Dracula's favorite kind of coffee?

Decoffinated...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?

Shrinkenstein...

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?

Peekaboo...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?

"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?

Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?

Fasten your sheet belts...

What do ghouls eat for breakfast?

Ghost toasties with evaporated milk.

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?

A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?

A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?

Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?

Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?

A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?

A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?

Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?

They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?

A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?

He heard it had great circulation...

Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death?

He couldn't find any dloob...

Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?

hehehehe...

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?

He was buttering up his teacher...

What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?

The cold shoulder...

Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his mother-in-law in the jungle?

hee hee...

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet...

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boo-ick...

What did the mother ghost say to her son?

Don't spook unless you are spooken to...

What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Sham-boo...

Why did the ghost pick his nose?

Because he had boogers...

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boojeans...

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