Dictionary for Personal Ads

WOMEN'S ADS:

40-ish - 49

Adventurous - Slept with everyone

Athletic - No tits

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure - On medication

Feminist - Fat

Free spirit - Junkie

Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person

Fun - Annoying

New Age - Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate - Sloppy drunk

Professional - Bitch

Average - Fat

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Large frame - Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate - Stalker

MEN'S ADS:

40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic - Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & back

Educated - Will patronize the hell out of you

Free Spirit - Will take your sister

Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking - Arrogant

Very good looking - Dumb as a board

Honest - Pathological Liar

Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle - Insecure mama's boy

Mature - Older than your father

Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested

Physically fit - Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Sensitive - Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive - Gay

Spiritual - Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable - Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

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