"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."
A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she's going to exchange it for.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. - Robert Frost
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. - Jennifer Yane
You were born an original. Don't die a copy. - John Mason
When is your birthday?
Grandma, is it exciting being 99?
It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.
Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
The stamps kept falling off the rocks!
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
In a cat-alogue!
Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday.
Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you?
Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.
Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
He wanted to have a birthday potty!
What does a clam do on his birthday?